When you're Lost, What can you Lose?
by LostInTheDreams
Summary: Shinichi has to deal with the harsh reality that comes with using one of Haibara's temporary antidotes. It's killing him. He doesn't have long to live and what he learns close to death might be what he needs to hear. T for blood.
1. Out of My Hands

I put Shinichi/Conan (there will be both) as the main character but  
HATTORI, KAITO, AND RAN (In that order) Will also play large roles (for a short story that is)

I also got this idea from fantasyfanatic01 who is writting a simular but totally different story for this.  
It's not up as of yet though.

DISCLAIMER: I NO OWN DETECTIVE CONAN! All praise goes to Gosho Aoyama! Hail! Hail!

READ ON!

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_**Chapter One: Out of My Hands**_

It was late afternoon and the sun was leaving the world, setting the scenery a brilliant bright red as if the city were on fire.

Conan put a hand up to his shirt and clutched his chest. A habit he'd gotten into recently since the spasms of pain had refused to dissipate. He had little to look forward to these days and it was only a matter of time. Haibara had told him that, at most, he had a month of pain to look forward to before his body would be past the point of keeping itself together. He could already picture the bloody mess he was going to look like when the toxin finished what it started.

His breath caught in his throat but he choked it down, coughing when the oxygen refused to cooperate.

Ran had noticed his declining health but he was easily able to lie about a cold going around. He'd made sure to hide his harsher symptoms from her. How much he was fooling her with the reality of the situation though, he didn't know.

Shinichi had kept his little secret to himself, and Haibara of course. The professor still didn't know and he wanted to keep it that way for as long as he could. Shinichi chided himself for being so stupid. Haibara had warned him that her temporary antidotes could kill him, he had just always expected to beat the odds. Not this time. At least he'd been able to see Ran as his true self one last time.

His reasons for using the antidote that time were so selfish that he couldn't even say he'd done it to save someone's life like he had in the past. No, Shinichi had to beg for it so that the police would take him seriously when he figured out a case that had been puzzling them for more than a decade. The criminal had long since died by committing suicide but Shinichi had been able to point the police in the direction of the bodies that were left behind.

That gave the families of the victim's closure but the price for it was too high. You don't help the dead before the living.

His phone rang but Shinichi didn't feel like answering it. The glow of the sun was almost gone and he'd be locked back up in the Kogoro's office for the rest of the night. Why ruin what little time he had left in the fresh air?

The persistence of the caller eventually made the detective pick it up. Hattori's thick accent wafted over the phone and Shinichi mentally sighed to himself.

"Hey Kudo, why were ya ignorin' my calls?"

"I was busy. What do you want Hattori?" Shinichi had to make sure his voice was level even if the pain hadn't gone away yet. There were droplets of sweat falling down the side of his face and he wiped them away with the back of his sleeve while he waited for an answer.

"There's somethin' weird goin' on in Kanagawa. They've been all over the news recently with some guy who's goin' around murderin' tourists. I thought ya'd be interested in goin' with me."

It did sound interesting and Kanagawa was only a car's ride away but he wouldn't be able to fool Hattori in person. Shinichi didn't want sympathy, and to be honest, he simply wanted to live the rest of his life his own way without people worrying over him. Hattori had a bad streak of doing just that.

"I'm not interested."

"Really?" Hattori's skepticism was prevalent. "I could pick ya up on my way over there. If ya have somethin' goin' on though, I guess I can wait."

"I'm not interested Hattori."

Shinichi's hard tone shut him up. "What's goin' on with you Kudo? It's not like I'm askin' ya to come out to Osaka an' visit again. This is a case an' I've been asked ta come so I'm sure ya can get Mouri-san to go along if ya want a part of it too."

Shinichi had no choice but to remain silent while a particularly painful spasm shot through is body. It only lasted a moment and he put the phone away from his mouth and laid it on the bench he was sitting on to make some noise so the silence would be attributed to being 'busy'.

"Hattori I said I didn't want to come. If you're going everything should be fine and I've got things to take care of here."

"I can wait."

_Damn it the Osakan was persistent. _

"Kudo what's really goin on?"

"Huh?"

"Come on. Ya can't hide anythin' from me, I'm a detective." Hattori lowered his voice. "If ya need any help or yer in trouble just tell me."

Conan shook his head. "It's not like that."

"Then what is it?"

More silence and this time Shinichi didn't know how to fill it.

"I've got some things I need to deal with now and I can only deal with them alone."

"Well…" He could practically feel the Osakan thinking. "I'm here if ya need me. "

"I know," Shinichi sighed aloud. "I'll – I'm going to handle it."

"Ok."

The click as Hattori cut the line, leaving his irritation replaced with guilt. Hattori may not have been as… self-control as Shinichi would have liked, but that didn't mean he wasn't a good friend and the teen felt bad about lying to him so openly.

That guilt all but disappeared when the Osakan showed up the next day.

"Hey ya there Ku- ah, Conan-kun!" He greeted him enthusiastically.

"Hattori what are you doing here?" Shinichi asked when Ran left the room to get tea and Kogoro was too busy watching the races to care.

"I came by to see if you were really ok. It's on the way to Kanagawa so," Hattori shrugged "It's not like stoppin' by put me out of my way or anythin'."

Shinichi walked passed him and placed his book bag on the couch before jumping up to sit next to it.

"As you can see everything is fine so you can leave."

"I don't think so." Hattori closed his eyes and when he opened again he leveled Shinichi with the equivalent of a death glare. "I know yer hidin' something from me."

The phone for Mouri's office rang, startling the drunk and forcing him to turn down the TV. He didn't drop the beer.

"Hello? – Yeah. – I'm busy right – How much?" Kogoro started to laugh. "Sure thing, I'll be down there today." He hung up the phone.

"Hey Ran, I've got a case in Kanagawa to go to and they're going to pay be a lot of money too. Come and bring the brat and we can go out for dinner later!"

"That sounds great!" Ran exclaimed when she came back in the room.

"Imagine that," Shinichi murmured to Hattori who had a large smile on his face now. "I wonder who gave the client the idea to invite Mouri along when they've already hired a detective."

"I wonder" Hattori repeated, chuckling to himself.

…

The murder was easy enough to solve and Shinichi found himself irritated soon after they arrived.

"We can't get this guy."

"I noticed" Hattori said, just as aggravated. "There's no proof."

"To think, I finally find someone malicious enough to destroy all the evidence pertaining to him at a time like this."

"Huh, what's that supposed ta mean?"

"Nothing," Shinichi shook his head.

The murdered had used dogs to kill all his victims. The dogs couldn't be traced back to him because they'd all been purchased on the sly and no one was willing to testify to their own shady deals to peg the guy. On top of that there were no traces that the suspect kept the dogs in his house and there had been no sign of the dogs for that matter.

"He probably killed the animals after he was done with them and bought others ta replace them. Keepin' them in a shack and provokin' them so that they'd kill sounds good but how can we prove it!" Hattori clenched his fist and Shinichi watched on with glazed eyes as he thought.

"We can't. Nothing we find, even if it does show that he owned dogs, would hold up in court. If he did kill the dogs, which is the most likely scenario, then there's nothing we can do."

"We can find where they're buried and use that -"

"The dead body of a dog wouldn't prove anything and he wouldn't have buried them on his property. We couldn't even get him for animal cruelty."

"Then we wait 'till he tries ta get another dog."

Shinichi stared off in the direction of the suspect's house. The police knew it was him as well but were faced with the same problem of not having any proof to hold the guy.

"I don't think he's going to strike again when he knows the police are going to be watching him. We lost this one Hattori."

"I don't lose Kudo."

Shinichi's eyes darkened. "Everyone loses at some point Hattori. You have to face it when there's no other options open."

Shinichi ignored the hard look he got in return for his opinion. "When did ya suddenly become such a defeatist? We can get this guy."

"No we can't. Hattori," Shinichi sighed. "There's no evidence. He cleaned his trail perfectly. The police already know it's him so they'll be watching. He won't be able to hurt anyone again."

"But he gets away with murder. That ain't right Kudo."

"I know it isn't but there's nothing we can do about it."

"But what if -"

"Hattori quiet trying to do the impossible!" Shinichi shouted at the Osakan, getting tired of his eagerness to do something that Shinichi couldn't. "Sometimes there's nothing you can do."

They both sat in silence, Shinichi trying to steady his breathing after shouting so that Hattori wouldn't see how short of breath he was.

"I'm not the kind of person ta just give up. I didn't think you were either."

"It's not giving up when you can't go any further."

"Sure it is."

With the way Hattori was looking at him, Shinichi felt like they weren't talking about the case anymore and it made him uneasy. He didn't want to have this conversation, which was why he'd tried to keep the Osakan out of his life, whatever remained of it at least.

"I'm giving up then," Shinichi said as he slid off the bench seat and onto the floor. "Mouri will give up on his own soon enough. I'll see you later."

"Hey, wait a minute Kudo." Hattori got off the bench too, where he'd been sitting across from Shinichi. His long legs caught up faster then Shinichi could get away and the Osakan leaned to down to put his face near the other teen. "Ya know ya haven't been lookin' too good. Are you ok?"

"I'd be fine if there weren't a large roadblock in my way. Move, I want to go back."

"You – WANT – to go back to Mouri's? Now I know somethin's up."

"Hattori can't you just leave me alone? Not everyone wants to be in an upbeat mood when you're around."

"Come on, just tell me an' I'll letcha go."

"Hattori!" Shinichi yelled. "Just leave me alone!"

Hattori grabbed onto his shoulder before he could get away and Shinichi got really angry. The Osakan had upset him in the past but he'd never felt such hatred towards him before. Anger was a quick thing and he didn't have time to examine it before his thoughts switched paths.

Hattori couldn't even do something as simple as letting him be. Friends couldn't be trusted. They were constantly letting you down and they could never live up to your expectations of them.

"Hattori let go of me." Shinichi tried to remove the Osakan's hand from his shoulder but kendo had made sure the grip was impossible to shake.

"Kudo man, what's goin' on with ya? You've been actin' really strange lately."

"It's none of your business!" Shinichi coughed when the shout had taken more oxygen then he had. He tried harder to shake the larger boy off.

Friends couldn't be trusted. Look at how much he'd already let Ran down.

"Kudo what the hell is -"

"Leave me alone Hattori!"

When he noticed the boy had almost gotten away from him, Heiji settled on wrapping his arms around Shinichi's body so he couldn't escape. As a reward for his efforts he got an elbow in the face but he waited until the other teen let out whatever emotions were wreaking havoc on him.

"Ok now Kudo, tell me what's goin' on."

Heiji was shocked at how long it took him to notice that Kudo wasn't trying to escape, he was shaking. His body was trembling so much that Heiji was afraid he was having a seizer.

"Hattori - I'm scared."

The shock of hearing the words come from Kudo along with the stain he heard in the child's voice kept him quiet for a few moments until he couldn't stand the silence. There wasn't much that could scare Kudo to that extent and he was almost afraid to ask what it was. He'd never seen the other teen so rattled before.

"Scared? Scared a what?"

"Hattori I'm -" Shinichi shook his head. "Nothing. Let me go."

"I can't do that 'til I get some answers from ya an' I'm a very stubborn person so I can stay like this fer as long as it takes."

He'd wasted too much of his energy as it was and Shinichi felt his body start to sway and his eyes lose focus. He didn't want to pass out in front of Hattori but he couldn't find the reserves to draw on. He knew that pushing his body like he was would only speed up his death.

"Hey - Kudo!" Hattori shook him and Shinichi tried his best not to sag in Hattori's hands as they held onto his shoulders. It was no used and he felt himself collapse in the larger teens hands.

"Hey Ku-" Hattori's words were cut short and Shinichi felt as a smaller pair of hands take him from the Osakan. These hands were warm and he was content staying in them where he was uneasy in Hattori's.

Shinichi knew it was Ran and he smiled. Smiling when you were sick didn't leave the best results but doing nothing would have been worse so he smiled. As long as Hattori wasn't holding him anymore there was a good chance Ran could get him out of there before anything happened.

"What's the matter with him?" Heiji tired to peer at Conan through Ran's protective arms.

"There's a cold going around and Conan-kun seems to have -"

"This ain't no cold!"

Shinichi wanted to be away from Hattori, away from his questions and accusations, away from the whole situation. The way he grabbed onto Ran's arm told her as much because she walked away from the Osakan without giving him an answer.

"Conan-kun, are you feeling ok?"

"Yes," Shinichi lied to her. It was so easy to lie now. Most often it was accompanied with a smile, making him feel doll-like. "The fever made me dizzy. I'll be fine in a little while."

Ran kept him in her arms and he was thankful that he could still be close to her. If he told her now, and she rejected him, he wouldn't be able to face it. It was the main reason he was keeping silent. Shinichi knew it would hurt her more in the long run when both Conan and Shinichi vanished from her life, but he'd been selfish this long, it was hard to stop now.

There were too many lies and not enough reason for them that he could reveal to her.

_But Shinichi was really going to die. There would be no need for the Black Organization to go after Ran when he was not longer around._

He couldn't believe it had taken him so long to realize that there _were_ no more reasons to lie. He could stop now if he wanted. That meant the only reason Ran was still in the dark about him was because of Shinichi's own fear.

When Conan clenched his shirt, near his heart, Ran looked down at him to make sure he was ok.

"Conan-kun, does it hurt?"

Shinichi shook his head. _Not on the outside._


	2. Delusions

Wow... I never got so many reviews so fast. I guess more people like Shinichi than Kaito  
*sigh* it's understanable...  
But for all the Kaito fans he shows up next chapter!

ANYWAY KEEP REVIEWING AND I'LL POST FASTER!

And all glory goes to my betareader The Jelly Bean Ninja for making my terrible mistakes run in fear!

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_**Chapter 2: Delusions**_

Hattori wouldn't let up and Shinichi didn't feel like dealing with him every day, so the detective did the only thing he could do and told Hattori the truth.

The good thing about using the phone was that Hattori couldn't run to Tokyo whenever he wanted and, if he tried, Shinichi could always lock the Osakan out of the Professor's house if he had to. On the phone he didn't have to deal with the other's emotions either. His own were hard enough to control.

After telling him everything he simply hung up. There was no need to hear any false reassurances or ideas that Hattori may have had. If there was a way to stop it, Haibara would have figured it out.

"Conan-kun, your friends are here."

Shinichi turned to look at Mouri's closed door. The Shonen Tantei were as impossible to throw off as Hattori was but he didn't feel the same… need to deceive them. Children didn't like to see bad things and their minds would purposely make any disturbing thoughts into something bearable. It was one of the reasons they believed that Conan only had a cold. He coughed more around them and he had to rest more when they would want to run around, but those things could easily be attributed to the minor disease as opposed to one they never knew existed, and so had no reason to ask about.

"Conan-kun," Ayumi ran in and put a hand up to his forehead with no self-control. "Are you feeling better?"

"Aw, Conan's still sick?" Genta complained. "Going outside will make you feel better. The fresh air and ice cream always works for me."

"Saying you're sick is not an excuse to eat ice cream Genta-kun. You shouldn't do that." Mitsuhiko scolded him.

"Hey, I don't do that! I didn't say I didn't eat ice cream when I wasn't sick too!"

"You guys should stop fighting. You know that Conan-kun isn't feeling good."

Shinichi smiled at their antics now that he had time to think of a world without them. They really weren't such bad kids.

"I'm fine Ayumi-chan." Conan got off the bed and put his hands behind his head to stretch. "I'll go outside with you."

"Yay, we can go play soccer!" Mitsuhiko shouted. "That will make you feel better!"

There was a field right down the street and Shinichi had no trouble humoring them. Soccer was fun only when you could breathe correctly. Shinichi couldn't do more then sprint a few yards and even that was pushing things.

To make things fair he had Mitsuhiko on his team. Conan usually paired with Ayumi, who was the weakest soccer player, but Conan was now in that position. It made the game fun when no one knew who would win and it didn't give the kids time to wonder any more about Shinichi's health.

And it was fun. Shinichi ran after the ball like he always would and was happy when he was able to sidestep Genta and score a few goals. He'd had a few coughing fits afterwards but he was smiling.

In the end Mitsuhiko and Conan won by only a single goal. They were all bushed afterwards and the kids made their way home sooner then they normally would have. Shinichi bid them goodbye and tried to contain the happy mood the game had put him in so his darker thoughts wouldn't take over.

His hopes died when Ran showed up with Dr. Araide.

"Conan-kun, you've had a cold for over a week and – well, Hattori made me worry. Araide-sensei can you make sure that he's ok?"

"That's what I'm here for," the brunette man said. He bent down and Shinichi couldn't escape before the doctor's hand latched onto his arm.

"It's ok Conan-kun. I'm just going to give you a check up."

Shinichi swallowed hard. He wasn't sure what the poison was doing to him exactly besides shutting down his organs. If the doctor noticed anything – he'd end up spending the rest of his time in a hospital while they tried to figure out what was wrong with him. And they never would.

The cold metal of the stethoscope passed over his chest and Shinichi held in a breath at the sudden temperature change.

"Deep breaths Conan-kun."

Shinichi had no choice but to let the doctor do what he wanted. He breathed, hoping that it would help his body sound more normal then not breathing would.

"Ok, keep breathing." The scope was moved to his back but it had lost most of the chill to it. Shinichi complied.

"Well," he put the scope down and removed it from his ears. "He's breathing doesn't sound too good but it could be because he's congested. If it is a cold, it could last a while."

Shinichi hid his smiled. If the doctor was willing to say that his 'cold' was going to stay, then he didn't have to make some excuse when he still had it a few weeks from now.

"Is there anything I can give him?" Ran asked.

The doctor shook his head. "No. The best medicine is to let the cold take its course. If it gets worse, call me."

"Thank you Araide-sensei," Ran bowed to him.

"Conan-kun?" The doctor turned to face Shinichi who looked up at him with glassed eyes, trying to keep everything he could from showing so that he wouldn't give himself away. "Can you come her a minute? I wanted to check you're eyes but the light is too dark. I was going to go in the bathroom."

"Is something wrong?" Ran asked. She was going to make dinner but Shinichi knew that she would drop everything if she thought there was something wrong with him. It only made him hurt more. Before everything was over, he would have to tell her.

"No, nothings wrong. If I'm going to do a check up though I'll update his records while I'm at it."

The smile that he gave her convinced her that he was telling the truth. "Do you want to stay for dinner? I'll make extra."

"That would be wonderful, thank you."

Shinichi followed him into the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat. The doctor's smile vanished and he grabbed Shinichi's wrist in his own.

"What are -"

"Shush, I can't count."

Conan remained quiet while the doctor checked his watch a minute later.

"You're breathing is too shallow, you're heart rate it too fast, and your skin isn't the best color. I didn't want to worry anyone so I wanted to talk to you first. Did anything happen? You're heart is beating so fast that you'd think you'd run a marathon."

"I was playing with my friends," Shinichi lied with a smile. "Maybe that's why."

Araide shook his head. "It's too fast for that. You're hearts beating over 120 a minute. That could cause all sorts of medical problems let alone the risk you're put at for a heart attack. Did you swallow something? I've seen this a few times in children who have swallowed dish soap. Anything?"

Shinichi shook his head. "No, I haven't touched anything."

True enough.

Araide shook his head again. "I'm going to bring you to the hospital then. I'll talk to -"

"Don't!"

The pleading look in his eyes stopped the doctor from continuing. "Why on earth not?"

"I – I know I'm sick. Please don't tell Ran-neechan." Shinichi looked away, ashamed at himself. "I'll call you if it get's bad."

"I can't ignore a patient who obviously needs my help. You'll have to tell me more than that if you want me to stay silent."

It was bad enough to get an outsider involved and a doctor at that. If the he told him about the Black Organization it would get him killed and any clues their poison could hold would, again, be found by its creator.

But there was no choice. Shinichi would have to pick and choose his words.

"My friend is a professor. I know I'm sick. It's nothing that's curable so you can't take me to the hospital. Telling Ran-neechan will only make her scared." Shinichi paused. "I said I'd call you if it got worse."

The doctor left his hand resting on the doorknob as he thought about what he was going to do. He closed his eyes and turned it without looking back.

"I won't say anything."

Shinichi kept his voice closer to his own then the one he used as Conan. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me."

The doctor stayed for dinner and he made up lies to tell Ran that Shinichi contributed too. Together they made it hard for her to doubt that nothing was wrong. The shadows that had been growing around her eyes the past week started to disappear to be filling with common worry that Shinichi was used to seeing.

When the doctor left and the dishes were washed, Shinichi was ready to fall asleep. A lot had happened in one day and his energy was running low.

Ran caught him before he could get to Kogoro's room and she picked him up in her arms. Shinichi couldn't say he wasn't embarrassed but he enjoyed the feeling of comfort it brought. He only wished it could have been the other way around.

"What are you doing Ran-neechan?" Conan asked when she brought him into her room.

"You're sick so I don't think you should be sleeping on the floor. Until you're better you'll be sleeping in bed with me. Is that alright?"

Shinichi blushed at the thought. Ran's bed wasn't that large and it would be hard for them to fit, though his smaller body made it possible.

"I'll just sleep with Ojisan," Conan told her, wishing that he could stay with her. He was still lying to her though and it made it hard for him to accept her kindness when he didn't deserve it.

"Nonsense Conan-kun, my bed's a lot nicer than the floor."

Ran held him in one arm as she got under the covers. They'd both already changed into their pajamas some time ago. The way that she held him reminded Shinichi of the time that he and the Black Organization had crossed paths. They were hundreds of feet in the air and she was about to risk to life to save both of them.

"I love you Ran-neechan." Shinichi felt his heart constrict in betrayal when he had to add the suffix. He'd told her that he loved her before, as Conan, and regretted that he hadn't done it when he still had his body. There was always 'next time' in his mind. There wouldn't be any next time anymore.

"I love you too Conan-kun," she smiled down at him. Shinichi hid his face in the covers. He was crying. He couldn't stand how much he was hurting her. Ran put a hand on his head when he didn't poke it back out, thinking he had gone to sleep. "Good night."

"'Night," Shinichi whispered back long after Ran had fallen asleep next to him and he head his voice under control.

They were both hurting so badly. Shinichi was about to vanish from her life and he couldn't even tell her. An idea occurred to him but he'd have to talk to Haibara to see if it would work. If it didn't – Shinichi didn't think he could ever live with himself for bringing so much pain upon the one he loved.


	3. Where our Friends Reside

_**Chapter 3: Where our Friends Reside**_

Shinichi talked with Haibara the next day and got the answers he was looking for. It would be dangerous, and most likely end in his death, but that was going to happen anyways.

Hattori had been calling him for a few days and, with some hopeful prospects in view, Shinichi decided to pick up.

"Hello Hattori."

"Hey Kudo."

The line was silent for a while.

"You're the one who called me so you better start talking or I'm going to hang up."

"Geez ya can be really heartless sometimes. I was callin' to check up on ya."

"I already have a mother."

"Kudo don't blow this off like some – I don't know, like something that doesn't matter. Ya know I'm worried aboucha."

"I don't need your worry."

"That's not what I meant. I'm not tryin' ta worry about you but when ya don't answer my calls, I can't say that I'm trilled."

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" Shinichi asked in a despondent voice.

"No, I know I can't cheer ya up. Ran-chan's there with ya so I know you're gonna be fine but I thought ya'd be interested in somethin'."

…

There was a Kaitou Kid heist.

Hattori had talked him into some normalcy and chasing the Kid had always been fun. Shinichi would feed all his information to the cops so physically running after the moonlit thief wasn't necessary.

He couldn't help grinning at the fun and distracting power that Kid possessed over him.

The heist was that night and Hattori had been trying to tell him about it for a week now. Shinichi was happy that he'd picked up the call.

The police force around the mansion wasn't as massive as it normally was. He was getting used to going up against Kid when uncle Jirokichi asked for assistance so it shouldn't have been a shock that whoever owned the mansion didn't want it flooded with officers. In all honesty, the fewer the better when Kid was involved.

Shinichi had already found Nakamori-keibu and would relay any information to him. The jewel that the thief was after was a large red ruby set in a bracelet that the mansion owner's wife owned. The bracelet in question was taken from her to be placed in a large safe in the center of the room. There was a video camera inside the safe that was recording so that police would be able to see anything that happened to it if the thief got past them.

While the police were busy running around Shinichi leaned against the wall and waited for the show. The Kid would have a hard time getting the bracelet out of the safe. It would be easy for him to sneak up as an officer though, even with how few of them were there, so Shinichi kept his eyes open.

It was a shock when the thief didn't follow the path Shinichi thought he would.

There was a poof of smoke in the middle of the room where the thief seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He hadn't been disguised as an officer but he used to smoke to make it seem like he'd been there the whole time. The smile on his face widened when he met Shinichi's eyes.

"Hello everyone!" He tipped his hat and Shinichi knew that he hadn't taken his eyes off of the detective. It made him smirk in return that the thief thought of him as the one person in the room that he had to keep his eye on. Shinichi had no doubt that the thief would be able to get away tonight if he somehow got through the safe, since he wasn't able to play an active role in stopping him this time.

There was another flash, this one of light instead of smoke and the thief was gone. Everyone looked around with bland confusion as to what the thief was up to.

A figure in the corner of the room caught their attention as he waved a hand with the ruby bracelet hanging off of it. "I'm sorry but you're going to have to do better than that."

Shinichi's eyes shot towards the safe but saw nothing wrong with it. His mind worked at a manic pace as he tried to figure out what had happened.

The only way that the thief had gotten the bracelet was if he removed it before it was put in the safe. The wife herself had done that when the camera was… – of course, Kid had disguised himself as the wife and had messed with the video feed for one of his own. It was a simple explanation and Shinichi knew he was right.

_You certainly love to dress up as women don't you?_

The police chased him out of the room and Shinichi was close behind. The thief appeared just outside the mansion as if taunting the law enforcement. He'd seen him do that before so he wasn't shocked but it did confuse him as to why the Kid had stayed around so long after he had the jewel. It was as if he was leading them.

"No wait!" Conan tried to stop the officers from running off in the wrong direction but they wouldn't listen to him. He huffed out a breath and peered at the ally before taking off after the thief on his own. He knew he'd gone that way.

If he wanted to, he still had his watch. Catching the phantom before he died seemed like a nice accomplishment but his heart wasn't really into it. The thrill of the chase, of catching up to the bad guy and telling them what they did wrong was satisfying enough, where Kid was involved. As far as Shinichi knew, the other boy had done nothing terrible enough to warrant being arrested.

The thief soon appeared before him. The Kid was holding the gem up to the moonlight and looking at it with an unusual intensity. Shinichi frowned but his footsteps had alerted the thief to his presence.

"Hello there Tantei-kun. It's nice to see you again."

"It is," Shinichi agreed. "Do you like to dress up as women or is that just how things seem to work out?"

"It's unintentional. I'm not that kind of thief Tantei-kun." Kid threw the gem into the air for a moment before catching it and running off down the ally.

"Damn it!" Shinichi swore. He wasn't done talking to him and he needed to get the jewel back.

The Kid ran into a building with glass doors. Shinichi didn't pause in his pursuit but he let his mind wonder where it was they had run into. The hallway was dark and tile floor under his feet almost made him slip. It was funny but Shinichi could have sworn that the Kid _had_ slipped by the sound of something hitting the floor ahead of him.

It looked like an office building and Shinichi chased the Kid as he ran up a set of stairs in the back. The elevators were obviously not working since the building seemed to have no power. It was only a few flights before they reached the roof and Shinichi was gasping for breath.

Out on the roof the moon lit everything up in a brilliant glow. It made Shinichi's vision sway as he tried to look around.

Shinichi grabbed his chest in sudden pain, feeling the toxin start to eat away at him again. _Not now,_ he thought desperately, tasting blood in his mouth as he was forced to stop running. Both boys were still within close proximately to one another and Shinichi felt around blindingly for the raised edge of the building.

Kid stopped his hurried footsteps when he heard none pursuing him. The thief saw Conan stumbling around, looking for something to steady himself with.

_He does know that this building is still under construction, right?_

Shinichi was faintly aware when one of his footsteps was no longer met with concrete. He felt the world suddenly rush by him and heard a distant shout on the wind.

_This isn't such a bad way to die._ Shinichi smiled as the readied abandonment he felt surrounded him. _At least it will be quick._

…

Shinichi's first bouts of awareness came when he heard the hissed in breath of someone in pain. He tried to right himself but the world around him was dizzying.

"Please stop moving so much Tantei-kun. Its kind of hurts."

Shinichi couldn't see at that moment but he would never mistake Kid's voice. What he'd taken for whiteness in his vision was actually the thief's coat where most of his upper body was resting on.

Shinichi blinked at the dark ally they were in before focusing on the thief. The unmistakable sight of blood caught his attention as it ran down the side of Kid's face. The thief smiled.

"I seem to have hit my head when we fell."

Shinichi continued to take in the sight of the smashed glider underneath them and the hard cement floor the thief must have landed on in order to save him.

"You stupid idiot. You should have let me fall. We could have both died!"

The Kid shook his head but Shinichi could see him wince and he tried to hide it. "You should never give up so easily on life Tantei-kun, and I could never have let you fall."

Kid got himself up from underneath Shinichi and the detective could tell he'd broken more than a few bones. The sound of the policemen's pursuit reached them and Kid tipped his hat in Shinichi's direction with a smile on his face as if nothing were wrong.

_Where both good at hiding our pain_, Shinichi thought, showing off a bitter smile in return.

Before the Kid took off, Shinichi waved to him.

"This is goodbye and thank you."

The thief stopped in his tracks, even as the sound of the police drew in closer.

"This is not goodbye Tantei-kun." His tone was hard and dead-set. Now that Shinichi was doing it himself, he knew the tone was used to hide emotions that wee too strong to control and was shocked that the thief felt so vehemently about him. "I don't do goodbyes. I'll be seeing you again."

Shinichi watched him, puzzled, before wiping away some blood that was running out of his mouth. With how good the Kid was at fooling people, he must have been equally as good at seeing through them, meaning he understood Shinichi's implications.

"Until next time then" Shinichi amended, knowing full well what little chance they had of running into each other again before he died. The thief seemed to need the closure and Shinichi wouldn't deny him it, especially since he could have sworn the Kid's hands were trembling.

He found the bracelet in his pocket after the police arrived.

* * *

...

...

Hehehehe... not to ruin the mood but I made Kaito slip :)  
If he can't ice skate and he running around in dress shoes, it seemed funny to put in!


	4. Who Will Mourn?

It's funny but right after I said that, since more people were commenting because they liked Shinichi more than Kaito,  
I stopped getting a many reviews...

I LOVE KAITO AND SHINICHI! I meant nothing by it! Please keep reviewing!

* * *

_**Chapter 4: Who Will Mourn?**_

Haibara had told him he'd been pushing his body too hard. His organs were already failing and running around every day, not including school, was taking it too far. After falling unconscious on the roof Shinichi had developed a constant pain in his stomach that wasn't going to be going away.

"I told you not to push yourself Kudo-kun. If you keep speeding up your heart rate it will only make the poison's effects more prevalent."

"It's not like I meant to Haibara. At least I'm doing what I want to, right?" Shinichi rested on the professor's couch while Haibara looked him over. The spasms of pain were followed by blood now so Shinichi had to be careful where he was when an attack started. The pain wasn't unlike when he was first shrunk but such frequent doses of the attack were torment. His resistance to it was lessening by the day and he didn't want Ran to hear him screaming.

"Kudo-kun," Haibara lowered her fingers after seeing if Shinichi's pupils were dilated. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have given it to you."

"The antidote?" Shinichi blinked to put water back in his eyes before he shrugged. "It's not your fault. With how much I've been asking you for it, it's a wonder that this hasn't happened before now. If anyone's to blame it's me… So don't apologize."

"How can you not be angry at me?"

Shinichi straightened up. Haibara had started crying and he knew how much it took to make the glorified queen of pent up emotions do that.

"I can be angry at the world, and you know what, sometimes I am." Shinichi didn't know how to deal with girls when they were crying so he settled on answering her question and tried to ignore her tears so that she'd have some level of dignity. "What good would it do? I can be angry at Gin for poisoning me, I can be angry at you for giving me the antidote, and most of all, I can be angry at myself for more reasons than I can count. Some of those would be leaving Ran at the amusement park alone that day, talking you into giving me the antidote and making you feel bad about it, and involving so many people into my problems that it only hurts them more when I leave. You have no idea how much I hate myself sometimes."

Shinichi was quiet until Haibara got herself under control. "But I don't hate you, so don't think I do."

The scientist nodded but her attitude since she'd noticed something was wrong with Shinichi after he'd turned back into Conan was morbid. As long as she still had the professor Shinichi wasn't overly worried about her. There were so few people in Haibara's life that she cared about that Shinichi knew that, even if she never said anything, his death was going to hit her hard.

"Can I have it?" Shinichi held out his hand.

Haibara's eyes darkened further and she withdrew into herself before putting her hand in her lab coat pocket and taking out a small pill bottle.

"Only use it when you're ready. We want you here for as long as you can."

Shinichi met her eyes and nodded before looking at the little pill inside the canister. It would make him older again, and dying had given him the symptoms he needed for it to take effect. The only problem was that once his time was over, which would only be a few hours with how much immunity he'd built up to it, he would die.

He would die as Shinichi though. His body wouldn't have time to regress before his heart gave out. When that happened the poison wouldn't be able to spread.

What made Shinichi tremble was the way it was going to kill him. His heart wouldn't just stop, his internal organs would give a few minutes before that and he'd be coughing up blood until he had massive heart failure. He had to get away from Ran before that happened.

"So how long do I have then? It's obvious I don't have the three weeks anymore with my running around."

Haibara shook her head. "You have a week at most. If you continue to push your body I'd say you have less than four days."

Shinichi took in the information with a heavy silence. He knew he'd cut his time short but he didn't realize by how much. Four days at least left to live when yesterday he had three weeks. He didn't let his realization show to Haibara since she was already going through enough as it was.

"I feel like that's not enough time but I don't have anything to take care of. Funny isn't it?"

"You should call your parents. You'll regret it if you don't." Haibara looked at the floor and made her way out of the room. "I would have liked to say goodbye to mine."

…

After Haibara guilt tripped him, Shinichi called his mom and dad. Technically he called only his dad because he knew his mother wouldn't handle the news well. His father listened without interrupting and, when he was done, told Shinichi that he and his mother would be coming over the next day. There was no flight that could get them there any faster.

If he and Ran had a child, Shinichi knew that he would be doing the same thing so he couldn't fault his parents for their fear. Disloyal tears made their way down his face when Shinichi thought of that. He'd been ready. He was going to marry Ran. They were going to be happy.

But he never got to give her the ring. Even now it was sitting somewhere in his old room across the street. He'd never be able to give it to her either. He shouldn't even be telling her that he loved her. It would only make things harder when he was gone.

Shinichi made his way back to Mouri's and fell asleep next to Ran that night, like he had been doing since she allowed him to. He was happy here, next to her. Shinichi wished all night long that things could stay that way, he didn't even need his body back, just as long as he could be with her.

When the morning sun came all those thoughts disappeared, just like they had every morning. There was no point in living in a fantasy.

…

Besides his parents, he'd invited Hattori along. Shinichi didn't tell Haibara but he wasn't going to wait those few more days he would have before using the antidote. The longer he waited the less time he would have in his real body and he wanted to spend as much of it as he could with Ran. So he was going to use it now.

His parents showed up first, at the professor's house, and Shinichi told them his plan. His mother was against it but some soothing words from his father convinced her otherwise.

It was his decision after all, he just wished his mom would stop crying.

In the time between his parents showing up and Hattori arriving, he took the antidote. The pain associated with it was more than Shinichi remembered and he passed out while the change took place. When he woke back up Hattori was already there and they said he'd been out for fifteen minutes.

"Kudo, you…" Hattori looked downward before smiling and giving him the thumbs up. "You do what you have to do. Just know that I'm gonna be the best detective in the Kansai region. I'll make sure no one takes your title."

"Well that's cheerful." Shinichi couldn't help but start coughing. He bent down to lower the pain in his abdomen and felt Hattori's hand on his back.

"Hey Kudo, you ok?"

"What kind of question is that?" Shinichi whispered, looking up with a smile. "Of course I'm not ok."

"Right." Hattori scratched the back of his head. "Sorry 'bout that."

A noise at the door made them all turn and Shinichi straightened himself.

A boy walked in wearing a dark cap and looking downwards. He leaned against the wall with a smile on his face and removed the cap.

"Hello there my look-alike. You're really not looking so good."

"Better then you," Shinichi joked. He could tell who the boy was even if everyone else in the room looked confused. After all, Shinichi himself knew that he and Kaitou Kid shared an uncanny resemblance to one another. There was no one else who would walk to up him and smile as if nothing were happening when Shinichi knew there was still blood running between his lips.

They grinned at one another.

"It seems we meet again," Shinichi got out in a breath too short, causing him to cough.

"I told you we would." The spiky haired boy's grin was strained and Shinichi felt a commonplace affinity with him at how much secrets he was keeping from the world, though Shinichi was finally letting his fall away. Shinichi could see how forced everything about the other boy was and wondered how he had been fooled to begin with.

"You don't have to hide what you're feeling. No one here knows you and they're not about to judge you."

The boy's grin lost some of its tension but it remained a smile. "That's just not me. I'll see you off the way I've lived my life beside your own, with a smile and a laugh."

It was short and quiet but the other boy did laugh and, against Shinichi's expectations, it felt right.

Hattori wanted to ask who this other boy was so badly but didn't want to upset Shinichi. The Osakan controlled himself by clenching his fists and watching Shinichi's reactions.

"This is really goodbye then." He looked around the room to include everyone else. He was going to see Ran and he was going to die in his house. He'd already planned it out and he didn't want anyone there when it happened.

Shinichi's mom and dad hugged him. He had to push his mom off when she didn't seem like she was going to let go. They smiled at one another but it was a wary thing. The minute that Shinichi left the room it would be gone, replace but grim silence as he knew they would wait until he was gone.

Hattori didn't know what to say so he looked away for a moment. The boy with the unruly hair spoke up so the Osakan wasn't left to fill the awkward silence.

"I told you I don't do goodbyes. I'll be seeing you." Kid smiled and Shinichi took in the fact, for the first time, that the other wasn't wearing any type of disguise.

"Try not to make it too soon. You'll make me feel like a failure."

"How so?"

Shinichi put a hand up in the shape of a gun and pointed it at him. "If I can't catch you make sure no one else does either."

The boy put his hat back on with a smile and made his way out of the house. "I won't Tantei-kun. Say hello to my father if you meet him." The door clicked and the boy was gone.

"What was th-"

Shinichi shrugged before Hattori could finish his sentence. "It was just an old friend saying goodbye. It's none of your concern."

Hattori nodded. "Do ya want us to stick around? For Ran-chan?"

Shinichi's eyes grew sad and his smile all but faded. "Yeah, it would be nice for her to have someone to talk to besides her father. If you could get Kazuha-chan out here it might be better."

"She's in a hotel in ten minutes from here."

Hattori was thinking ahead. Good.

Shinichi held his hand out for him to shake. "It's been nice working with you. You've been a really good friend, even if I didn't ask you to be."

Hattori shook his hand with a small smile. "You've been a good friend too, Kudo. I wish there was somthin' I could have done, but I know there isn't. I'll be there for yer girl. I'll make sure Kazuha gets here too."

"Thanks." Having Hattori be the one to comfort her made Shinichi happier then he should have. It was his damn heart again. Hattori already had Kazuha and that wasn't about to change but he didn't want some random guy falling for her when she was vulnerable.

She deserved to have someone to love her. Shinichi couldn't do it.

He said goodbye once more before going out the door. The last thing he saw on the faces of those closest to him were smiles. He hoped he be able to keep that image with him.

There was only one more person to say goodbye to.


	5. One Last Goodbye

Ok, last chapter! Awww..  
Thank you for everyone who's reviewed! It means a lot!  
Please continue to tell me how you like the end of the story!

And, as a warning, dying is not plesent. It may be slighly graphic and this chapter  
Is why the story is rated "T"

THANK YOU!

* * *

_**Chapter 5: One Last Goodbye**_

Shinichi had picked today because he knew that Kogoro was playing Mahjong for a few hours. Just the space of time he needed, leaving the man opportunity to comfort his daughter when she needed him.

Walking up the agency steps felt different now. He'd almost never done it as himself since they played as his house most of the time when they were young and house visits after that were more unwelcome than not with puberty and all.

"Ran?" He asked tentatively when he knocked on her door. The sound of something falling to the floor was accompanied by rushed footsteps and the door knob turning.

"Shinichi?" she asked in disbelief. Shinichi couldn't help it when his smile faded at her reaction. He shouldn't have kept her waiting for so long. "Shinichi what are you doing here?"

"I came by to say hello. I know you get mad at me when I don't call so I've been kind of putting it off but… some things have come up." Shinichi could feel himself blush and tried to hide his anxiety underneath it. "I wanted to spend some time with you."

Ran blushed in return and Shinichi stopped himself when he scuffed his foot on the carpet out of nervousness.

"Ok, what do you want to do?"

Shinichi looked up to her smile and tried to force one of his own. "We can do anything you want."

Ran thought about it for a second as she took in her best friend's appearance. She hadn't seen him in so long that he almost felt like a dream.

"How about you give me that dinner we never finished."

"Ok, that sounds wonderful." Shinichi took her hand and led her down the stairs.

"Wait, I have to change!"

"No you don't," Shinichi laughed. "It doesn't matter what clothes you're wearing. Let's just get out of here."

Shinichi hailed down a cab shortly after that and they were on their way to a restaurant he used to love when he was growing up. He wasn't about to take her to the one his parents purposed to each other at again because it would only make him regret all the more the little time he had and he wanted Ran to be happy while he could make her.

"Here you go." Shinichi opened the door for her and took her hand. She tried to take it back but he held on tighter.

"Shinichi what are you doing? You're embarrassing me." She looked around nervously at the people inside the restaurant when he refused to let her go as they made their way inside.

"A little embarrassment never killed anyone. Besides," Shinichi looked down, wondering how much he was going to admit to her. "We're frie –… I like you. I like you a lot. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to hold your hand."

Ran put up no further complaints after that but Shinichi could see how red her face was.

When they were seated Shinichi just stared at her. He loved her so much and yet he could only tell her a part of his feelings. Though he wished that she didn't, he knew she returned his feelings.

"So Ran, how have you been?" He interlocked his fingers so his chin could rest on them while he watched her.

"I'm fine," she said, still looking at her lap but there was a smile on her face. "How have you been Shinichi?"

He blinked when didn't realize his own question could be used against him.

"I'm fine." _Right now._ "So is there anything new in your life? Anything you want to talk about?"

She shook her head. "Nothing new since your last phone call. Oh wait, I set up another date for my parents. This time I did a really good job masking it." Her smile widened and she held a finger up in the air. "There's a convention of all the most famous criminal cases over the years next month and I can get my mom and dad both to go to it. I just wish they'd make up."

"I know. You're parents are on the weird side but they both love you." Shinichi put his hand across the table to take hers back. He liked the contact when he'd established it outside and wanted to keep holding her hand. "I'm a detective and so, I know things. They don't hate each other. I can't really imagine them living together though," he laughed.

"Shinichi that's mean. They lived together for ten years before."

"And I'm shocked they lasted that long. I'm just saying that even if they love each other, some people like their space. I think if they did get back together they would only bother one another. You shouldn't push things."

"Maybe." Ran still looked unsure and Shinichi leaned back, letting go of her hand as the waitress came by.

"Then again, what do I know? Don't listen to me Ran, do whatever feels right to you."

She smiled. "Thanks."

They ordered their food and Shinichi stuck to a salad. He didn't want Ran to feel like she was a pig or anything when he didn't order a meal but his stomach had started acting up and he didn't want to risk what could happen if he ate when he body was falling apart.

"Shinichi aren't you hungry?"

"No I ate before I came. You can eat though, don't feel bad about it. Everything's on me."

Ran got a burger and fries which surprised him because he knew that it wasn't her favorite.

"You know you could have gotten whatever you liked." He told her when she started picking at her fries and seemed to be ignoring the meat altogether.

"I was tempted to order the most expensive things on the menu to get back at you for leaving me the last few times I've gotten to see you but -" Ran looked up to meet Shinichi's eyes. "You're acting strange today. I don't want you to disappear on me again."

"This will be the last time, I promise." Shinichi smiled.

"Last time for what?" Ran thought about what he'd said to try and understand him better. "The last time you leave?" Her eyes lidded and she looked disappointed. "You're going to leave again?"

"Yeah," Shinichi went back to putting his chin on his fingers once his salad was taken away. "But I won't be doing it anymore. I'm sorry Ran, but I'm not coming back."

It was dead silent and Shinichi couldn't even see Ran breathing.

"Not coming back?"

"No," he said with determination and a smile. "I'm sorry but I won't be seeing you again."

A few more moments of silence passed.

"Why?" She whispered and Shinichi saw that she was crying. "What's so important that you have to keep leaving me? I thought you said – I thought you said you liked me?"

"I do, very much so." Shinichi kept the same tone and facial expression throughout their conversation so that he wouldn't show how much it was hurting him to speak.

"Then why?" The tears were flowing freely now and she wasn't hiding them. "Why do you keep putting me through this? You're not coming back now? Well I shouldn't have waited for you!"

"I'm sorry that you had to. I never meant for things to turn out like this."

"But you didn't care enough to stop it!"

Shinichi sighed, thinking about all the times he could have told her the truth. If she had accepted him, maybe then he wouldn't have been tempted to defy fate with the drug. It was too late for that now.

"No, I didn't stop it."

Ran got up from her seat and Shinichi watched her in numb fascination. He deserved whatever pain he felt for hurting her like he was.

"How can you smile at me like you're ok with everything? I hate you Shinichi!"

Ran left the restaurant as he watched, unable to answer her. His time was running out anyway, he could feel it. Better that Ran left before any of his symptoms started appearing.

Good to his word he paid the check and ignored the people around him that had noticed their argument. What did it matter when he wouldn't be alive to ever see them again?

A cab took him home and Shinichi could taste blood start to well up in the back of this throat and pain course through his body. He clutched his stomach but didn't let out any noise to alert the driver to his condition.

It would be soon now.

His house came into view and Shinichi stumbled up the front steps as his vision blurred. Everything hurt. Even if he wasn't moving his fingers they felt like needles were being stuck into them. His stomach was the worst but he refused to curl up into a ball and die on his front lawn.

The house was dark as night had started to fall and he didn't have energy to turn the lights on. He closed the door behind him and let out a hissed in breath as he tried to get enough air into his lungs to take him further into his house.

Into his bedroom. That's where he wanted to be. There were pictures there and pictures can't yell at you for being stupid. They smiled no matter how hard it was. They would make him feel better. At least in picture, he had made Ran happy.

He passed the library where he'd first called himself Conan. A figure in the darkness moved and Shinichi had to look back when he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him.

They weren't. Ran was there.

"I want to know why."

"No Ran, get o -" Shinichi couldn't hold in a racking cough when he'd started talking and the blood that he'd merely tasted was all in his mouth now. He collapsed onto one knee on the floor, trying to hide the mess.

"Shinichi what's wrong?" It hurt hearing her voice sound so desperate. The room was dark so she wouldn't be able to see but he was choking on the liquid. It would be hard for her not to be able to tell what was happening.

"Ran," Shinichi could feel his body shaking but couldn't stop it any more than the blood coming from his mouth. He would have a few minutes of pure torture before he died and he didn't want her to see it. "Ran get out."

"Shinichi, what's wrong! You're really sick! I'll – I'll get a doctor!" She started out of the room but turned back, unable to leave him. Shinichi wished she would.

He let out a small scream but bit down on it as a wave of pure pain ran down his whole body. Shinichi tried to take in a breath again but it was like a knife was stabbing him in the lung.

_I really hope I don't die of suffocation firs_t, he thought cynically.

"Ran you have to leave." He tried again.

The girl stood frozen in the doorway between getting a doctor and caring for her best friend since childhood.

"Shinichi, when you said you had to leave, you didn't mean your house did you?"

Shinichi couldn't see her from the angle he was at and moving was out of the question. He shook his head roughly to the side. "No, I didn't mean here."

He felt Ran's arms wrap around him and he leaned his head back with clenched teeth and closed eyes. If the physically pain weren't bad enough, the emotional pain of hurting Ran was equal to it.

"There's nothing-" Shinichi took in a few shallow breaths. "That you can do. Leave."

"I can't." He could feel her warm tears on his clothes with how cold he was.

A sudden jolt of pain made him scream again and he covered his mouth with his hand to block the noise while his other arm wrapped around his body. It hurt so much. His vision swayed all the more and he wasn't able to see Ran any longer.

"I'm sorry," Shinichi got out before more coughs over took him and he was vomiting blood. _How much horror was he going to force on her?_ His hazy thoughts wondered.

"I'm sorry," her voice echoed back. He had no way of responding to her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" she repeated in cut off whispers. Shinichi shook his head.

"Ran-" There wasn't enough breath in his lungs to continue. The world around him was almost gone and he wasn't going to leave her like that. "R – Ran, don't…" He took the hand he was covering his mouth with to search hers out. He wiped blood down her arm to get to it and shuddered at the thought. He held tightly once he had her. He didn't ever want to let go. "Don't – apologize – to – me – EVER!" Shinichi tried to shout the word.

"But I lied to you Shinichi." Ran hiccupped on her sobs. "I told you that I hated you. I'm sorry. I lied. Shinichi I could never hate you."

She held him tighter and Shinichi knew that he was crying too but there was so much blood and so much coughing that she wouldn't be able to tell.

"I've – lied – more – Don't – apologize." He had no choice in the matter now. His heart was refusing to die both figuratively and in reality. "Ran – I – love – you."

He felt her nod into his shirt. "I love you too Shinichi."

He shook in her hands but it was because he was laughing. What terrible timing to tell Ran that he cared for her. A bunch of 'if only…'s popped into his head. If only he'd had his body long enough to propose to her. If only he hadn't followed the men in black that day, if only he had another hour… but there wasn't time to waste on that. Not when he had so little of it left.

Shinichi squeezed her hand harder, not caring that there was blood on it. He may not have been able to talk but he hoped he could get his last sentiments across.

He was surprised when he suddenly felt something warmth on his chest.

Ran pushed her way in front of him and Shinichi tried desperately not to cough any more blood on her.

"Ran -"

"Be quiet Shinichi." He hugged him and Shinichi could do nothing but hold her back, covering the girl in his blood. "You don't know when to shut up."

He smiled at her. "Yeah," Shinichi breathed out, ignoring the sharp pains that made his body tense up. Ran had to feel as he held her tighter each time.

"You never explain anything to me either. I –" she sobbed again but they were fading. "I wish you could have talk to me."

"Me too." The words made him cough and this time he couldn't take in enough air to satisfy his lungs. He drew in on himself and fell to the ground, Ran trying to move so that neither of them would hurt each other.

"Shinichi!"

Shinichi tried to apologize to her one last time. He didn't even tell her about Conan. His parents would decide what to do about that, it was no longer his choice.

With no oxygen to get out his words, Shinichi took his hand and ran it down her face, smearing it with blood. He frowned at the ugly streaks it left behind.

Ran brushed her fingers against Shinichi's cheek as well and he could feel her trembling, warm touch. He smiled.

Finding enough energy, he took his hand off the floor and gave her a little goodbye wave. Ran laughed at that before waving meekly in response.

That was the last thing Shinichi saw and, if someone were to have taken a picture at that moment, they could have kept on smiling forever.


End file.
